NASAdude

Paraphrased from Julia W.:
We shouldn't worry about climbing the ladder, about getting a meeting with the corporate president. Everyone is just a person. If it works out, great; if not, I learn and move on. I am not going to sit around and think about it and play games.

It's not just how we manipulate people to better our careers. Everything inter-personal is political: the politics of sex, money, power, social standing, respect, etc. It's a game for most people. They seem to think, "How can I play the game to maximize my position in relation to those around me."

I'm a social misfit and don't date, so the prospects aren't good for meeting my parents' expectations of grandchildren. Dating in general is pretty weird, since it's been years since I've had any practice. Some say that having friends of the opposite sex is like dating, or at least practice. Some have observed me hanging out with women, having involved conversations, being funny, friendly, good company, and a really nice guy. But sadly, most people I find pedantic... to the point of being utterly boring.

Does that mean I'm just a good actor, feigning interest in those around me? I have been trying to be a bit more social, just to get practice. But that's just demonstrating some extroverted qualities so people don't find out how stolid and serious I am. Dating is an entirely different thing. It shouldn't involve misdirection or disinformation.

Julia W.:
yeah i know ... it shouldn't be but it is

I shudder with the realization that I have, to some extent, adopted society's standard of "it's all about me". I've become a good actor when I meet attractive women. While having a stimulating conversation, I am wondering what she thinks of me. Fortunately I'm not a great actor, since I haven't had to extend the acting to a more intimate level. While my physical desires may be disappointed with that, I'm glad that I am not in the uncomfortable position of continuing a relationship that isn't based on honesty and truth.

As with most of these articles, they are for my own personal exploration, as well as for the readers' benefit. In doing so, I am disingenuous with you, the reader, to some extent. You don't get the benefit of *all* of my thoughts, as many are filtered through my censor. Also, I skew my writing toward the extreme case, to make a point.

I admit that I'm not really bored with most people... not completely at least.

I admit that I'm not acting as much as I indicated when interacting with others. Extroverted qualities seem to appeal to others, so I hide my introverted nature as best I can. With close friends I have learned to be more interesting. I am simply extending that to people I don't know. Because it is a forced action and not natural, it is playing a role that isn't fully honest. Hopefully if I get to know someone and they become a close friend, they won't notice [much of] a difference in how I treat them. It all depends how well I fake it initially.

I admit that I am a lot more self-centered than I'd like. Don't get me wrong. From my own perspective I am quite selfless, honest, genuine, and a really nice guy (too nice... which is a whole other article). But I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, even with friends. There are many thoughts and feelings that I can't bring myself to share with others, some good and some dark. With strangers, especially women, especially attractive women, I find myself wondering how that person perceives me and how I can alter that perception to be more positive. That disgusts me when I see it in others, and even more so in myself.

I like Julia's statement, "Everyone is just a person." It's an awesome simplification of this topic. How can we treat others as people, not as means of advancing ourselves? It's a great ideal, to open ourselves up and honestly share everything about ourselves with those we meet without worrying about what others will think or how they might take advantage. I don't know how to make it true for the rest of the world. I'm not even sure how I'd make it true for myself. It would require me to change how I treat others, how I choose what to share, how honest I am in new relations. It is a change of perspective, a change in how I actually think, a change in my basic nature. Can I change?

Can you change?